You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
