what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
