You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
