well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
