i don't like sucking hair
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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