Define "chronic" masturbator.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize