Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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