thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize