did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
