I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
