You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
