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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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