Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we're making bets on your personal life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
