Sry I called you an 8
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
