I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize