I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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