he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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