Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize