I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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