Will you blow on my dice?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
