Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
