there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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