dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize