Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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