hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
