My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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