our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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