So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
