all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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