You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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