Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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