"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
