Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
