I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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