fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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