is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
