hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
