these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
