Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
