Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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