who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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