Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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