You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
