I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
