Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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