well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
