I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
