Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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