I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
