yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
