no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There's always time for handjobs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
