we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
