And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
