Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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