We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
