he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
