why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
