u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
