somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
