You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
