My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
