There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
