My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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