id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
