I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize