i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You don't make any sense
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