I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
