Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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