Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
