Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
