There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
