If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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