I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
