i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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