do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
