if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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