I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
