mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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