I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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