Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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