I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize