I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
