no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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