She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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