We're facebook friends in real life
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
