Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
