Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
