Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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